


What's Sanity?

by Kikah



Category: TFBOYS (Band)
Genre: Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 23:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8820937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kikah/pseuds/Kikah
Summary: Karry has to figure out what's wrong with his mind before he completely loses it. But what can you trust when even your own mind is lying to you?
Featuring TFBOYS and main character: Wang Junkai/Karry Wang





	

"You're depressed."

A laugh immediately came out of my mouth despite how dry and unemotional it seems.

"Karry, I'm being serious here." Jackson was at his limits. "I don't need you to ask me to steal some sleeping pills from the manager to just know you aren't sleeping. And you've looked like you've lost some weight."

"Oh come on, someone like me wouldn't possibly catch something like depression. It's me you're talking about here~"

"You don't simply catch-"

"Jackson." With a seemingly cheerful smile I cut him off. "Change the subject, I'm perfectly fine."

Now I'll have you know, I know I'm depressed. I couldn't sleep at night, let alone eating food. My motivation had gone down so low that I'm dragging everyone behind with my pacing. I tried to distract myself with exercise and even took some anti-depressants. Nothing seemed to work; in fact, it just made me feel even worse.

So now, why did I bother hiding this to one of my closest friends? Not just him, Roy too, the two members of my group that I practically grew up with. The answer is simple. So insanely simple, that it deserves to be laughed at.

I can't risk having other people find out what's really swirling through the thick head of mine all the time. Not just to public, but to people that I see everyday too. I live by my image. The small amount of respect I have left for myself will all just evaporate if even a hint of my secret slips out of my mouth. I don't want anyone to know how scared and terrified I am of myself. Surprising, isn't it?

What? The famous Karry Wang is scared of some mental illness? Do let me tell you something that you won't ever see on camera or in any of the shows I participate in. This isn't a disease. Depression is what you call a symptom. Therefore, this occurs before any real diseases and disorders. It's a red flag informing you that there will be a large possibly that everything can get much worse than here.

Other than my studies, I did some research. Depression can imply to many things. A few examples would be Bipolar disorder, Schizophrenia, or some other angry sorts that can happen to one's body. But for now, I need to get out. Get out before my smile drops.

"Ah, I'm going to go outside of the room to buy some food. I think I saw a vending machine down the corner of the hotel." Speaking out of nowhere, I turn and quickly leave the room before Jackson can make another comment.

And he really did look like he wanted to say something.

 

* * *

 

Current Time:12:30PM

Currently Doing: Following Manager With Group

Mood: Utter Crap.

Walking on normal streets was always loud because of fans and people screaming out names. But today, it was painfully loud. There was traffic everywhere, birds are making they're screechy chirping sounds and the people were just... god. I don't even know why I'm finding everything just so intolerable today. I just wished everything would shut up.

We eventually got inside the car as Roy and Jackson were chatting happily about some video game. It's a little weird though. I'm there with them, but I don't feel like I am. It's more like I'm in the background watching the whole scene like a movie. They asked me something. I was about to answer but stopped midway realizing I had no idea what I'm saying. The expressions they made told me they didn't understand a single word I said either.

My phone vibrated as I jolted a little in response. Looks like I was too busy dealing with insanity.

I only waved it off until I hurriedly got off the car exclaiming I want to study today. I reached our room pretty quickly and locked myself inside of it. It's a good thing that I had a habit of studying alone with no one else in the room.

Phone: Karry, it's the director from the recent movie shoot. Are you done preparing? It has been almost two weeks.

The movie shoot. Hn. I totally forgot about that. Great, so I actually have more work to do?

I internally scolded myself for being so irresponsible and so carefree about it. I didn't have any excuse to not memorize the script two weeks ago. Furthermore, everyone is waiting for me. I texted back that I would tell them when I'm ready. And no, I didn't bother explaining anything.

Phone: We would have to force you to drop out of the cast if you don't notify us in two days.

Ah, scary. It's the intimidation technique. Too bad, it's actually working.

I looked up as I heard the door clicking. Wha? I heard feet shuffling between the mattress as Roy came to view. "Didn't I say I was going to study?"

The usually bubbly male didn't say anything. Oh well. "At least get me lunch then." Seeing him nod, I stared at him walk out of the room quietly. What's up with that? Shrugging, I picked up a nearby pencil.

I saw a reflection of myself on the window. I looked like I just crawled up from the grave. Dark circles looked like bruises rather than the common bags that people have from not getting enough sleep. Luckily, my weight haven't changed that much even though I haven't been eating that much the past couple of days. However, I need to fix that. They'll catch on that my weight loss would be a sign of mental illness.

Turning the laptop on, I hit the browser. Self-diagnosis is always a misdiagnosis, but the best advice I can get right now is from myself. I had survived for 17 years, I can't simply stop now. Realizing that I don't have paper, my laziness won as I started to scribble things down on the desk. A bunch of disorders came up as I end up writing them down and then crossing them out.

The fan in the room was violently spinning as I stare at the words. An eyebrow was raised when I noticed the letters started to change. The future I can take, from fatal to mild ones are all on the desk. Odd thing is, I can't read them.

The door opens again as I greeted a cheerful Roy and the same indifferent Jackson. "Did you get my lunch, Roy?"

He tilted his head as if he had no idea what I was talking about. "Lunch? I mean I have some food... so we thought you would be hungry after shutting yourself in this room for hours. You should feel lucky that we don't have much work to do today."

Jackson narrowed his eyes at my hand before speaking. "Why are you holding a scissor?"

Confused, I stared at my hand that was holding a pencil. I followed his gaze and frowned. The pencil turned into a clean shiny scissor. Setting it down, I only played it off by chuckling. I can hear my heartbeat. My mood drops as I realized there's a timer inside my head. A timer that was counting off the time until I completely lose all control of myself.

When that happens, everything that you've spent your life building on will come back and destroy you.

No. Even when I lose my mind and control, no one will know that except for me. Only me.

**Author's Note:**

> ((Alright just clear some things up: Karry hallucinated the whole scene where he saw Roy coming into the room up to the point where his whole gang actually came in.
> 
> And I'm sorry, this chapter is a little bit short. Its only 1,000+ words. Sigh.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you liked it, and hopefully I would have the time to update. Comments are always welcome. c: See ya~))


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